Solving problems [P=Berlioz]

[Lucien Vinigan]

Vinigan exited the infantry berth making sure Lamond was following, before he walked further down the halls to find a place where it wasn't full of people so he could have a private talk without someone eavesdropping, although it wasn't very easy. He found a place where he stopped and turned around to look at Lamond, he took a deep breath and considered that to say, he knew it would be bad to have problems like this still going when they had to work together in life and death situations, but he hadn't really thought about what to say "So I'm sure you can imagine what it is I want to talk to you about" he started still hating to deal with people, it was always so confusing and difficult. "Instead of just being mad at you I felt like giving you a chance to explain yourself now that we don't have Human corp yelling at us" he refered to now Reinhardt wasn't there trying to stress both of them out.

[Berlioz Lamond]

Berlioz stared at his feet, he knew this was coming. He knew that he didn't have the answer that Vinigan probably wanted, there was no real explanation for what happened aside from what was in his head, and he was pretty sure Vinigan would be reluctant to take that as an acceptable reply.

"I... I'm sorry Vinigan. I don't have a single definitive answer for you, I just..." His voice petered out, he really didn't know what to say. "I've been fighting for a long time, too long probably. I don't want you to think I'm making excuses, I brought it on myself, I put myself in the middle of every fight I could find because I didn't want to go home, to whatever home I had left. I was running away from what I did and in those fights, the things I saw, the things I did... It doesn't go away."

He put is back to one of the corridor walls and slid down it till he was seated, he was tired of having to hide what he was thinking and what happened to him.

"You remember when you asked me, if I had any stories about my time in the Army? I said there was nothing really to hear about? Well I was half right, more accurately, it'd be there's nothing you'd want to hear about. I never talked to anyone about what we saw and what we did. About the things that happened to us. I figured that people would treat me differently, look at me from the corners of their eyes, I'd be something to talk about. That was the last thing I wanted, so I kept shut, kept it all in."

He felt like he'd been rambling long enough and needed to actually address the issue at hand.

"What happened in the hangar last year was the combined result of my past, the firefight that day and Reinhardt deciding to show me just how far the informational reach of the SS goes. It pushed me over the edge and I snapped, I should have dealt with my problems but I didn't and it resulted in... well, you were there..."

He looked up at Vinigan, "I don't have the words to say how sorry I am for what happened, to both you and that trooper, I don't know what I can do, but say I fucked up, and I'm so sorry you had to get mixed up in my fuck up."